The Wonderful World of Kinas

An update, which really bears no beneficial information whatsoever.

2010-08-17T14:07:00.003-04:00

I am sitting in my room at the moment, trying to be productive...so far, my productivity has manifested itself only in the form of a list; a very long list of things that I should be doing, yet...as you can see...am not. I know I have been here a good while, because my coffee, once scalding hot, is now the temperature of an ice cube. Which also tells me I should turn my AC unit down, because I am afraid of electric bills. And speaking of bills...upon arriving at my Lynchburg home after a summer spent overseas, I discovered quite a large stack of bills from the hospital, from when I got surgery on my deviated septum. In this pile I received a bright yellow piece of paper with bold red letters on the top of the page: "STATEMENT OF DELINQUENCY". You know they mean business when they use all caps. I suppose I really have no reason whatsoever for telling you, cyberfolk, about this mishap...but I must say, I feel pretty BA now, being a delinquent and all. Perhaps I shall go kick a dog or something. After I clean my room.

[she's trouble]

The past 20 days, in a nutshell. A peanut shell, to be exact.

2010-06-27T14:54:00.008-04:00

So...my camera decided to stop working spontaneously, about two weeks ago. Praise the Lord MegMeg has a beast camera, and a creative eye...she is in charge of documenting my memories, and has been doing a splendid job:

Rosewater in a national's home...it tastes like grandma's perfume, with lots and lots of sugar.

Meghan and I went on a two day excursion to the Himalayan mountains...breathtaking.

And finally...we crashed an Indian wedding tonight! It was...an experience for sure.

Love you all, sorry I haven't posted in a while...rest assured, I am alive, I am well, and I'm having the experience of my life.

...

2010-06-08T05:51:00.004-04:00

A few things I have learned whilst in the wonderful land of India:

1. I have a very bad habit in America of eating fast...here, thi

s doesn't mean that you just finish your meal before everyone else. It means that you eat three times as much, because as soon as that last bite is gone, whoever is feeding you loads up your plate again.

2. You have to be very careful about telling people anything personal about yourself...even when they ask you the same question 6 times.

3. Rosewater is terrible stuff

4. There is no such thing as an organized line while waiting for food, the metro, anything.

5. McDonald's and Pizza Hut are swanky restaurants...so much nicer than those in the States.

6. All old men are your Uncles, all old women are your Aunties.

7. BLACK BOOGERS.

8. Don't ever stay in the same place for too long in markets or parks...white people can draw quite the crowd!

9. 50 rupees only to travel across town by auto rickshaw, even though the drivers start you at 80.

10. I am a terrible dancer.

Namaste!

2010-05-30T12:51:00.002-04:00

Due to kurtas and salwaar suits, constant dirt on my feet, chai running through my veins, a new (culturally embraced) nose piercing, and constant diharrea, I would say for sure that I have been embracing India. I really have only scratched the surface, but I can already say that I love this place...even though I have been sick pretty much the whole time I've been in country. I'm not the only one under the weather, either...all the girls on my team, including my supervisor, have had varying symptoms for quite some time. The only safe one is our token male, Zoe (pronounced z-OH. Not z-OH-ee).

The first week was orientation in Delhi. You could say we've all come down with Delhi Belly. We sat in a basement for three or four days listening to seminars on culture, religions, etc. and engaging in group activities. I met some really wonderful people, and the reasons why I was not too sad to say goodbye are as follows: 1) I was getting stir-crazy in the hotel and was excited to get going, 2) I'll see them all again at debriefing in July, and 3) I was so sick I didn't care much about anything. Ha.

You know...there is so much to say about the past week and a half, and yet so little time to write about everything. I'm learning a lot, I'm excited for the things to come, and though I haven't engaged much with many nationals yet, I have deeply enjoyed all the newly forming relationships I have with my team mates and all of the M's here.

More to come later...fir milange!

Down to the wire...

2010-05-22T01:54:00.002-04:00

Well, it's about that time...I board a plane in 17 hours. To return in two months. I feel like I've been planning for this trip for so long, yet now that it is so near, the reality of it hasn't quite set in. All today I've been running around getting some last minute things, doing laundry...TRYING to pack, but I have never been so good at that. I want the seconds to go faster, and yet, I NEED them to slow down! There is so much to do, but all I want right now is to be sitting on that plane, looking out the window as we gain speed down the runway, then finally lift off. I suppose in many ways my journey has already begun long ago, yet...I feel like the moment we lift off is the point of no return. Where the commitment is solidified. I look forward to that moment.

There is so much that I am uncertain of. It's quite exhilarating, actually. I am eager to slowly uncover the story that God has intended for me to tell about these next few months. I am excited to build new relationships, and to grow in the ones (or...one, actually) that I already have. I am thankful to be traveling with my dear friend Meghan. I am anticipating to see and experience so many wonderful things...I am honored to be telling people of Jesus. But, in addition to all these things...I would be lying if I told you that I'm not a little nervous. It's a culture I have never been to, a people I have yet to know, etc...but I trust the Lord.

That's pretty much all for now...I could ramble on, but I think sleeping might be the wiser thing, considering that I have a huge day ahead of me. Thanks for reading, friend. More to come in the future...

Love, SK

O. (Not an OHH. A circle. For the sake of discussion.)

2010-04-26T19:47:00.005-04:00

I think that God must really like circles. The planets and the stars are circles, the world he loves is a circle. They go around and around in a circular motion. Seasons are circularly cyclical. Days are, too. Your eyes, the window to your soul and filter of experiences, through which you see, behold, admire, cry, and express...they are circles. The sun, like the rest of the stars, is a circle. Your life is a circle. From the dust you were formed, and after you die, you turn right back into...dust. You start in diapers, you'll probably end in diapers too, if you live to see a ripe, old age. You started completely dependent on another human being, and you'll die dependent. Being spoonfed and bathed and stuff. Circles. Circles are a continuous line; it never starts and never stops. They have "no beginning and no end", if you will. Donuts are circles. They really have no place in this train of thought, I just like them so I thought I'd include them. That's all.

All of this could mean something, all of it probably means nothing. Just some thoughts I had on my drive to school this morning.

Love,
SK

"God is an infinite circle whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere."
-Saint Augustine of Hippo

Jesus likes birthdays, just as much as you do.

2010-04-15T12:54:00.003-04:00

I was sitting in a Bible study and we were talking about Christ and freedom and the cross...all these wonderful things. But the conversation kept coming back to "WE are so unworthy...WE don't deserve this...it isn't fair..." etc. Kept trying to focus on the joys of receiving and steering the conversation that way, but it kept coming back to this piteous sort of "what wretches we are" kind of tone. I know that salvation isn't fair to God or to Jesus...but it was His design, right? It was His prerogative, wasn't it? And, if God knows all things, and He knew before He created us that He'd have to sacrifice His Son on our behalf, wasn't the act of creation His commitment to salvation?

You see, I think that salvation is just about as unfair as birthdays are unfair. Let me explain. Your mom is the one that went through the pains of carrying you for 9 months and puking and dealing with an aching back, etc. She's also the one that endured all the labor pains, changed your diapers, made sure you were provided for, and so on. And yet, on your birthday, she's still the one that gives you the best presents. Human law would expect that on the anniversary of your birth, YOU should be giving HER all sorts of stuff out of gratitude. But this is not the case. She requires absolutely nothing. She throws you a party and gives to you, delighting in the fact that you are delighting. In the same way, God doesn't demand that we give Him our activity because of what He's done for us. He delights in us as we delight in Him, in His gift. I have never seen a kid receive a brand new shiny yellow bike for his birthday and immediately begin to grovel on the floor exclaiming, "I AM NOT WORTHY OF THIS BICYCLE...I don't deserve this, this isn't fair! What a wretch I am! Woe is meeeeeeee!" HECK NO. That kid takes that bike, shows it to all his friends, tells his second grade teacher about it, and ENJOYS it. It is a sign of his mother's love.

So I think that Jesus likes birthdays, just as much as you do. Why else would He explain His gift of salvation as "rebirth"? His death on the cross was His labor pains. As we have died with Him, as we have been co-crucified, through the cross we are born again...and we have the freedom to find JOY in one another.

Post 27, for lack of a better title.

2010-03-27T13:39:00.005-04:00

Good afternoon, dear anonymous reader.

It's about 1:40 as I begin to write, on a Saturday afternoon...I have only been out of bed once today, and that was to pee. It is not characteristic of me to be so listless, alas...I just haven't been able to find the energy to leave.

I previously wrote about the sprinkles I was experiencing, and may I update you...the minor pains grew a bit bigger. Not only did I have my fender bender, but my car broke down a few days later, and spent three weeks in the shop...the mechanic fixed it twice, but after each "fix" discovered another problem...the end result: the clutch needed to be replaced (yes, I drive stick) which resulted in $1,000. The jaw pains I was experiencing wound up putting me in the ER. For anyone that knows me, I find hospitals and doctor's visits to be rather terrifying, and I avoid them like the plague...needless to say, I was in so much pain I could barely open my mouth, and I could hardly function. So my room mate took me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with a severe case TMJ (which explained the recurrent migraines that I had been experiencing as well). Over spring break (which ended last weekend) I went to see a specialist about my jaw. Apparently, the way my teeth fit together and the way my jaw is supposed to open and close have a difference of 2 mm. Aka every time I close my mouth, my teeth cause my jaw to slide 2mm to the right, which shoves my jaw back into the joint, which has, over the years, worn my cartilage down to near nothing. Ouch. Then, I got surgery on my nose...you see, when I was younger, I was playing Aladdin and broke it on the floor as I was trying to fly...and I hand't been able to breathe out of my right nostril ever since. Deviated septum. So, last Friday, I got it fixed. There is still a lot of internal swelling (I haven't been able to breathe out of it yet) and it has been painful...which is why I have not left bed yet today. I have been attending school and singing (attempting) still, and it has left me wiped. So, here I am.

I am so very blessed though...the Lord has provided the means to do all these things...fix my car, go to the ER (insurance didn't cover that one...boo) see the TMJ specialist, have a mouthpiece made to hopefully help the problem, get my surgery, pay off the guy I hit with my car, get a new phone. And my parents have been so gracious to me. My mom visited me for four days to take care of me after surgery. Ha, I don't know what I would have done without her! Anyhow...with all this tension building up, one thing after another after another, it still amazes me at how quickly the Lord can break the tension and give His children peace. All of this stuff has been paid for. All of it is being worked out. I have an entire day (today) to rest, with no obligations, no appointments, no nothing. And shoot, I'm taking it!

And so, from my computer screen to yours, I wish you a very happy afternoon, or morning, or evening, or whatever the heck time it is as you read.........be blessed!

"...though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day..."
-2 Corinthians 4:16

Flusterated.

2010-02-22T16:50:00.005-05:00

Dictionary.com's word of the day:

fractious \FRAK-shuhs\, adjective:

1. Tending to cause trouble; unruly.
2. Irritable; snappish; cranky.

Ok ok ok, cyberpeep. Here's the dealio. I like to think that it is a rare moment that I get upset...but this past week has held a plethora of these moments for me. Haha nah, I guess it really hasn't...but there have been a few. Forgive the melodrama, please.

It is said that when it rains it pours, and really I suppose I am experiencing the sprinkles, but regardless of whether it is sprinkling or pouring...you still get wet, right? I got in my first ever car accident. That was pretty exciting...not to worry though, it was a minor fender bender. I need to buy a new tail light for the other guy, and my car has pretty sweet racing stripes now. Just a flesh wound. Cosmetics. Yohann the Nissan is still running quite smoothly. Though I might add (I am not finding this comical yet, but perhaps you will, and perhaps I will too, once the incident is behind me), the car that I ran into (yes, it was my fault)......was parked. And I was running late for class.

That was a raindrop on my forehead.

I really really do love people, a whole heck of a lot. But I think that every so often, for sanity's sake, I must hermit myself for an indefinite amount of time. I realize that I cannot go into further detail due to the fact that I really have no control over who does or does not read this blog of mine, but...that being said, let me end this thought with explaining that there were some choice people that fed my fractious state further this week, but alas...as human as I am, and as human as my emotions may be, I do still love them.

Add a few more raindrops.

Despite my entry two posts ago, when I took the risk of making my love life a public thing in exclaiming my "new" relationship...(might have seemed longer to you if I'd actually blogged often)............I am now single.

Rain, rain. Sprinkley rain.

Almost every significant person in my life I feel is going through something difficult. Some of them are experiencing pretty major pains...hardships that affect many more people than just themselves.

Hair's getting wet and frizzy, thanks to the precipitation.

Phone broke. Lonely. Stressed. Having jaw issues which have been giving me constant headaches as well. This also means that sleep has been interesting. And basically, the days have just been rough over all I suppose...

...and yet, I am not distressed. Rain makes stuff grow. And I think that growth really is worth the annoyance...and that's really all that these instances have been. Annoyances. I know that though the emotions I feel are valid (frustration, sadness), I really am quite fortunate that the biggest complaints I have are really so miniscule in light of the bigger picture of things. Though maybe the past few days have been challenging, God has been giving me so so so much grace, reminding me of His goodness, of His mercy, and His reckless, extravagent, encompassing love for me. Before I even entered into this world, each of my days were established and recorded by Him (Psalm 139). Because of the Lord's great love for ME, I will not be consumed. I will not be overwhelmed. His compassions for me are new every single day (Lam. 3:22-23). I'm focusing on the promises, rather than the problems. Rain makes stuff grow. So...

...bring on the rain!

-SK

(And yes, by the way...I DO get "Word of the Day" emails from dictionary.com (hence, fractious). And NO, I'm not ashamed.)

Oops.

2010-02-20T18:57:00.003-05:00

So much for blogging consistently? Yeah...about that.

Hello, interweb community!

2010-01-24T17:53:00.002-05:00

It's me, and I am back! Back at school, that is. My apologies for not updating at all during the holidays. But let me update you now on the happenings in my life.

1. The praise band I'm in at Liberty University is coming out with an album this Wednesday! I've just listened to it, and I'm super stoked about the release.

2. I am dating a boy! He's pretty great.

3. Not 100% sure yet, but there's talk of me going overseas this summer for a few months. (Pray for this! More details to come, if this whole thing ends up happening.)

4. I'm writing a lot of music lately. I just wish I had something that I could do with it, other than playing in my living room every night.

5. The Lord is doing some pretty huge things in my heart. I am sensing the beginning of something wonderful...everything is changing in me, and it's beautiful.

6. My room mate just got engaged! So exciting!

I guess that's it for now...I'm really really glad to be back in my house, with the room mates that I love so very dearly, at the school that has meant so much in my intellectual, spiritual, and personal development, and I'm optimistic about this semester. I had a really great break, and I got to catch up with some people in my life that are extraordinarily important. And now...back to business! I love it how every semester is different than all those before it...last semester was really difficult (but good, mind you), but I am expectant. I anticipate wonderful things.

Peace and love to all of you, cyberfolk!

-SK

Ah, the beginning of the end is near...

2009-12-14T00:53:00.002-05:00

Finals week. Craziness. Singing in services, weddings...studying, Christmas parties, the last minute rush of all of your friends suddenly realizing that they won't see you for a month, or, if they're graduating, for an indefinite amount of time...frantically shopping to meet the ever-looming deadline of December 25th, realizing that time is of the essence...and then there's the sudden onset of extreme stress when you realize that you only need .1 point to make a letter grade up than what you have, yet...no final exam score can close that itty bitty gap.

So much is going on, and I feel like I should be perpetually tense and stressed and monstrous. And yet...I'm not any of those things. It's like when you are drowning, how you thrash around for quite some time, fighting the water as it closes in over your head, and then your entire body goes limp in resignation and you are overwhelmed with a peace. Not to be morbid...I know that post-limpness, you usually black out and die, and I know that I'm not going to die under all of this. But this week, amidst all of this chaos...I feel abnormally relaxed and at ease. It's only the grace of God that has given me peace and blessed me with sufficient time to get everything done. Typically you shouldn't be socializing much during exam week, but...I have had the time to (without being irresponsible), and it has done my heart good.

All that to say, dear reader in cyberspace, I am doing a-o-k, finishing up here in a few days, and welcoming the rest and away-ness that lies ahead of me...

...so, good night and sweet dreams. I hope you find your rest as well during this holiday season.

-SK

Larger Than Life

2009-12-07T20:06:00.003-05:00

Hail the 5 foot retainer!

Balance Project

2009-12-07T19:49:00.001-05:00

Images portraying four types of balance: Symmetrical, asymmetrical, radial, and crystallographic.

Texture Project

2009-12-07T19:44:00.002-05:00

Collage replication of Picasso's "Jaqueline With Flowers" using visual and tactile textures:

Value Project

2009-12-07T19:39:00.002-05:00

This assignment was to take an image and incorporate a value scale.

Color Project

2009-12-07T19:37:00.001-05:00

The following is experimentation with color:

Shapes Project

2009-12-07T19:33:00.003-05:00

This assignment was to take a theme, and create two separate abstract pieces, one with geometric shapes and the other with curvilinear organic shapes.

Line Photographs

2009-12-07T16:47:00.008-05:00

The assignment: to take photographs of interesting lines.
The product:

Idea Trees

2009-12-07T15:04:00.008-05:00

This is the process of design: you start with a word that embodies an idea, then branch off of that with related words and formulate an idea for an image. Then you make basic thumbnails to convey your idea, then finalize a rough draft of what you want the image to look like.

Sometimes, I make things.

2009-12-07T15:03:00.001-05:00

I'm in a design class this semester, and as a part of the class I have to make a blog of all the things I've worked on. So all that to say, My next few posts are going to be my artwork.

Dear Anonymous Reader, wherever you may be in cyberspace...

2009-12-01T12:51:00.005-05:00

Ok, so it's official...I really stink at blogging. Can you maybe give me a second chance?

Here's the thing: I always feel like anything I post has to be, well...profound. Worth reading. Life changing. Not to flatter myself I mean, because I totally am not claiming to have the power to alter a life. But this is besides the point. If I may be 100% honest (not that I am typically 87.2% honest), I must confess...I have about 34,581,039,725 blog drafts that have yet to be published. You see, I will write a seven page heartfelt discourse, let it sit for a few days, read it again, and then deem it unfit...perfectionism is my dearest enemy. I both love and loathe it. But anyways. Forgive me, dear anonymous reader, wherever you may be in cyberspace. Do give me another try, I will promise to write things that make no difference, that have no profound truth or epiphany or eternal value whatsoever, all for the sake of consistently blogging.

Now that all that stuff is out of the way, do permit me to tell you about last week. It was Thanksgiving break, and what a break it was! The dear Lord knew that I needed it badly. I went to Florida for a few days...I drove down with some room mates and friends, and then flew home. whilst in Florida, I went to the most magical place on earth, and only for $30! You see, my room mate Che is from the Sunshine State, and her parents have friends that work in Disney. AKA we landed three free tickets, and split the cost of the other two between the five of us. Then we went to see The Rocket Summer in concert (I'm not the hugest fan of the type of music, but the message is wonderful). I was kind of blah (tired), and I just went to go...HOWEVER. When we first got there, the opening band was on, and I didn't notice at first, but as I stared at the stage I had a bit of a "wow" moment as I found my mouth forming the words..."I KNOW THEM!" It was My Favorite Highway. I totally didn't know they were going to be there. Surprise surprise! It was fun to say hello and hang for a bit. Anyhoots. The next day we went to the outlet mall, I found a pair of maroon pants for $7, and then, we went to see the Blue Man Group (for $15!). After that, there was a lovely fountain that was coming from the ground, and some of us thought it would be a great idea to play Russian Roulette with it...needless to say, we got soaked.

Flew home the next day, had a great time with the fam. Thanksgiving was AWESOME, so delicious...my mom's old room mate came for dinner with her husband and daughter (whom I have not seen in approximately but not exactly 7 years, 11 months, and 15 days). A fantastic reunion. I hung out with David just about every day I was home, saw some old friends as well. I went to the dentist (they made me bleed), ran a dirt bike into a large white truck, played Mario Kart, and ate apple pie for breakfast.

One word to sum up my week: YES.

Love, SK

Today, I was born. A few years ago, that is.

2009-09-05T01:03:00.004-04:00

I'm not the hugest fan of holidays in general. And I have typically not been a huge birthday buff...I think this is because I don't like being the center of attention. But man...this day has reminded me of how truly beautiful my life is. I am surrounded by my dearest friends, even now as I write the night is fading away, and there are couches and people and conversation is filling the air. I swear, I know the most lovely people in the entire world...somehow, they all happened to be in the same place at the same time, and I get to be in the middle of it all.........

Love is everywhere.

Love Is the Fashion Statement.

2009-03-10T16:18:00.000-04:00

Often times what attracts us to a humanitarian movement (or a cause such as TWLOHA) is merely the feeling that subscribing to a movement gives us...it makes us feel like we are counting for something, that we are investing in something that matters, that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. Significance is just as much a human need than anything else...it is as much a need as hunger or thirst or the need to feel secure. But even beyond fulfilling ourselves, being a part of a movement or cause gives us satisfaction in knowing that we are fulfilling, in some capacity, the biblical call to be the hands and feet of Jesus. But what happens when a movement becomes a fashion statement?

I support donating money to causes. I support sponsoring underprivileged children from the third world. I support making lifestyle changes in hopes of making worldwide change, such as refusing to drink coffee that is not fair trade (I have not personally been up to the task of this...yet). I support wearing propaganda to raise awareness. Heck, I even support the supporters. But what burdens me is when the inspiration behind the cause gets lost in pop culture. When people buy the t-shirt because it's popular, rather than supporting a cause because they have been personally affected. When people advocate a movement because the circle of people that they affiliate themselves with is "into it", not because their hearts have been overwhelmed with compassion. It burdens me when what starts out as a good thing is watered down by a mass of ignorant people searching for acceptance and wearing their "good deeds" for all to see, like a pharisee.

If I can be entirely honest, there have been times that I have been guilty of this very thing. There have been moments when I have given impulsively, without really truly knowing why. I remember deciding when I was barely fifteen that I was going to be a vegetarian. That lasted three weeks. My brother, a few days after I declared my new lifestyle of taking a stand against animal cruelty, said, "Sarah...if you care so much about animals, why are you wearing a leather belt?" I guess I just wanted to be different, I guess I just wanted to be more appealing based on what I did, rather than being motivated by passion and compassion.

But even more, I think that so often we lead ourselves to believe that advocating a few just causes is enough. This couldn't be farther from the truth. We even take it to the next step and think that if we go on a short term missions trip that we've obeyed the call to look after widows and orphans, to care for those that cannot care for themselves. But devotion to Christ is so much more than that. Love is so much more than that. We are to speak for those that cannot speak for themselves. We are to carry our brothers. We, as the church, are to give of ourselves relentlessly to those in need. We are to refuse to settle for what we have here and what we know, we are to refuse the comfort that we have and get our hands dirty. We are called to so much more than what "cultural Christianity" prescribes us. We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ, and I have news for you people. Those hands and feet bear nasty scars. They are not manicured, they are not unused and their beauty transcends visual aesthetics. They are worn, they are tattered, they are wounded, and they are lovely. There's a lot of need in this broken world of ours. So let's get busy.

Back In Action!

2009-01-11T19:10:00.002-05:00

Well, I am back at school again after a long month at home. I really enjoyed my break, it was a good time to relax and sit back and just reflect on everything. I was able to help out with worship at my home church a few times...it was great to go back. I was able to spend some time with friends and family, which was nice, however I found myself with a lot of spare time. At some points I had to go to great lengths to entertain myself...for instance, I sewed a quilt. Yes, I am one of those people. I also took up running...which, if you know me, is a HUGE deal, because I utterly abhor exercise. Well, I suppose I should say that I used to hate it...but I thought I would catch myself before I became Rosie O'Donnell and now I sorta like it. Well, let's just say it's still a love-hate relationship.

I do have to admit though, I am more than glad to be back here. There's just something special about the strong sense of community. There are a few people that I was dying to see, but mainly, I think I missed the atmosphere, just being around everyone. I missed walking out my door and being surrounded by familiar faces, I missed having the ability to spontaneously call up a friend for coffee...I missed the fellowship. I missed being able to lead worship every week, and I missed all the leadership here.

Being back has been nothing short of marvelous. I have been able to catch up with a few people, and just enjoy the company of close friends. There's always something new and fresh about starting a new semester...we are in the middle of the school year, but I feel as though I have just arrived. Yet I also feel like I never really left...time is such a paradox. Towards the end of last semester, I'll admit, I was beginning to burn out a bit and I found myself easily exhausted. But I am so excited to see what this semester will bring, and I think I speak for both my friends and I when I say we are putting our best foot forward. I feel rested, I feel renewed, I feel rejuvenated, and I am so excited to get this thing rolling! God bless you all.

And thus, the seasons change...

2008-12-08T23:39:00.007-05:00

I cannot believe that another semester has rolled by. Sometimes I wish I could slow time down, if only for a while, because it is so fleeting. It is just as soon gone as it was there, and the only remnants it leaves behind are fragments of memories that are lost just as soon as the time that brought them. Often times I feel like I am sitting in an old vacant theater, listening to the rapid yet faint click of the film rolling, while dust illuminates the trail of light leading from the small fluorescent projector in the back of the room to the screen in front of me. Frame by frame the scenes whiz by, scenes that portray love and loss, trial and joy, the appearance of defeat but then, the inevitable victory. I delight in everything I see before me, yet I have not the power to freeze the frame, if but for a moment to soak in the glory of the beauty of life. It keeps rolling, I keep watching. There is no pause, rewind, or slow motion. It just is.

I covet time to digest all the things that the Lord is up to. His hand has never been more evident to me than it is now. I see it clearly everywhere I look, whether that be into the life I have led up to this point, the present circumstances I find myself in, or the places I am going. He is everywhere. But it's not because He's become more present in my life. I have just grown more aware of His presence...I have become more and more sensitive to Him. It's like the veil of ignorance has been lifted from my eyes, and I no longer dwell in the land of the temporary. I see and perceive things through eternal lenses, gaining a deeper understanding as to why things are as they are. Such an over-used and under-answered question, a question simple enough to be condensed into a single word, yet complex enough to never be answered: "Why?" But you learn, sometimes after much turbulence, to give up the question "Why?" and replace it with a much more productive "How?"Because when you become more aware of the presence of God in your day to day life, more and more you come to realize that His sovereignty needs no explanation. He is who He claims to be, He is Lord of all, and He remains on His throne. That is all we need to know. But the question "How?" never seems to wear out...we know that the Lord has His hands all over our lives. We know that nothing goes under His radar. We know that He purposes every single event in our lives...we don't always need to know why He does what He does immediately, but we can discover how He displays His sovereignty through various circumstance. We can seek to understand how the intricate details of our lives will bring Him glory. We can ask and plead with Him to show us how the giants we face will turn out good in the end. We don't have all the answers, but we trust in the God who does. We know that the character of the Lord would not allow our destruction, because He promised that He has plans to "prosper [us] and not to harm [us], to give [us] a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

I think that if I were to sum up the entire semester in a few short words, I would say that it has been a time of deep reflection and new discovery. The Lord has led me through times of trial that I never would have been able to imagine, and times of plenty that I never could have been able to dream for myself. He has whispered tenderly to me in my brokenness, and has scolded me harshly in my stubbornness. But every season has been beautiful in its own way, and I am so grateful for all that my God has done in me, to me, and through me. I cannot begin to tell you all the things that I have been learning...there are so many new truths and old forgotten ones whirling about in my mind. There is much that I have learned about myself and much that I have known to be true about the Lord, but am only beginning to grasp. I live for the moments that knowledge becomes understanding and hearing becomes listening.

Our God truly is marvelous!

Today, I had an epiphany.

2008-12-06T15:04:00.004-05:00

Everyone poops.

So...

2008-11-25T00:54:00.001-05:00

...I have been thinking a lot about the future lately. More like it's just been coming up in conversation a lot and it's got me thinking. About the future. Lately. When I was younger, just a wee teen filled with angst, I found my mind focusing much on the past and longing for the future, dreaming of what life would be and could be like in the upcoming seasons. Though now, I have learned to take in each moment as it comes, to focus on what I am doing here and now, and to just enjoy the journey. Not to "live in the moment" in the worldly sense, but to be content in every circumstance that the Lord brings me to, and to watch my story unravel before my eyes with eagerness and excitement. Yes, I still have the responsibility of planning for the future and for seizing opportunity, and yes, I still have aspirations. I would love to do music full time and travel the world...but really, at the end of the day, I want nothing more than this: no matter what my vocation, I want to glorify the Lord as much as I possibly can with this life that I have been blessed with. I just had a conversation with a dear friend and I told him that if the Lord decides to take my music no further than He already has...if leading worship at Liberty is my last and greatest musical accomplishment, that I would be entirely content with that. And I mean that with my whole heart. The Lord has the power to give, and the Lord has the power to take away. I am learning to hold onto my gifts and talents loosely, because I know that I do not find my identity in what I do, but in tho One I am doing everything for. It doesn't matter what your occupation is...just as long as you are being faithful to the Lord. So many people concern themselves with "finding their calling in life", seeking a certain vocation, when really, it doesn't matter what your career entails. Your "calling" is just this: to bring praise and renown to the God of the universe. My greatest desire is to please Him...so, weather that be on stage or at home, caring for a family, I know that my primary calling is to live out a lifestyle of worship, and to glorify the Lord.

My God is the God who provides...

2008-11-18T20:35:00.000-05:00

The Lord has been teaching me something about money. I cannot tell you how many random binds I have found myself in during this semester...first, a $1000 paycheck was delayed for a while and I completely ran out of money altogether. Then I lost my wallet...but funny story with that. I went to Richmond to see a show (which was SO good), then stopped at a gas station on the way back to school. I got some food, went to the bathroom, got back on the road. Three hours later, when my friends and I made it back to campus, I discovered my wallet was missing...I immediately remembered putting it down on top of the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom stall and walking out of the bathroom without it. I knew exactly where it was so at 3 in the morning I called the gas station (WAWA is 24 hours) but no one had turned it in. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning and called my bank to cancel my card and went on with life...was figuring out how to get new IDs and whatnot when I got a call on my phone...a high school girl that lives here happened to go to the same concert that night, happened to stop at the same gas station, happened to use the same stall in the same bathroom, saw my wallet, opened it up and saw my license, recognized me from Campus Band, brought the wallet back with her and I met her mom at Wal-Mart later that day to retrieve it. Praise the Lord for that one!

But...I had already canceled my card so I ordered a new one. I had no cash but I figured the card would come in in a week or so, so I didn't stress at all...except it never did. Apparently the bank sent the card to the wrong address, so now I am waiting till Thanksgiving to get a new one. Needless to say, I have been pretty broke this past month.

For a while I didn't really know what God was trying to teach me...I don't stress about this kind of thing, and it doesn't make me worried. The whole wallet ordeal didn't evoke any sense of anxiety, rather it was just a pain in the butt to have to collect everything that I had lost (except I didn't end up having to, praise God). I don't freak out about finances. But I do have a hard time receiving gifts from people, which I have recently discovered...it's funny, when I have stuff and my friends don't, I have no issue whatsoever giving to them and lending a hand. But when it comes time for me to be blessed by the generosity of others, I reject it. Maybe this is a manifestation of pride that I need to overcome. Maybe I just feel like I am above the charity of others. I definitely feel guilty accepting gifts, because I know I don't deserve them. This is not a correct attitude, and I know that, but it is something that the Lord is working out in my heart. A dear friend was lending me a hand the other day and I kept refusing her, and she looked at me and said, "Receive it, Sarah. Just let me bless you." The words struck a chord within me. It made me pause and evaluate the situation, and it certainly humbled me.

I do think that living without is exciting. You learn to live from blessing to blessing and you continually look to the Lord to provide your needs. Random things seem to come out of nowhere, and through everything you hear the Lord whisper, "Don't worry about it. I will provide." I asked a friend to loan me some money. He gave me $20, and when I told him that I would pay him back as soon as I could, he said "No, it's a gift". Me, being me, tried to give it back. He gently told me, "Just receive it." The other day, I went out with some friends, to enjoy their company, but I didn't have any money to order food. But my closest friend purposely left food on his plate (even though I KNEW he wasn't full) just to give me his leftovers. I walked away from that with more than just my hunger satisfied. The band always practices on Monday nights but last Monday our band leader, Dave, canceled practice and bought us all dinner.

As I reflect on all of this I find myself so humbled and so privileged to be completely cared for by the King of Kings, and honored to be surrounded by so many beautiful, giving people. But I must say, one particular act of kindness that just occurred drove me to write this blog. I just got home from a group meeting, and there was a folded piece of paper taped to my door with my name on the front. I took it inside with me and opened it up. Inside I found a 20 dollar bill, folded in the shape of a heart, and a simple phrase that sent a wave of emotion and gratitude through my body:

You

are

loved.

I am blessed beyond measure.

I have nothing beneficial to say. At the moment.

2008-11-17T22:47:00.000-05:00

I find that there is nothing more intimidating than an empty page. It looms over you and blankly glares at you for what seems to be an eternity...pen in hand, thoughts bouncing about, you just sit there, staring at the paper, mulling over words in your head yet nothing seems to suffice. Anything worth writing down must be profound, in one sense of the word or another, because once pen is put to paper, your thoughts and musings are made eternal. This is much like a blank page I suppose, except I am sending my thoughts into cyberspace and not into a safe little notebook. To be honest, I prefer the old school notebook and pen, but I guess I just decided to start a blog to let those I love, near and far, to stay up to date on my life. Because I suck at phones. And keeping in touch. Just ask my poor mother.

I really have nothing interesting to write about at the moment, I guess I just wanted to diminish the incredible intimidation that I was feeling, having a new blog site and no entries...so, here is my feeble attempt to get this blog thing rolling.